Her

I saw this meme posted on Instagram this morning and it struck something in me. It was a reminder of a beginning, an ending or two, a friendship, and a whirlwind that landed me here. 

When Tony and I met a million years ago, (1995 to be exact) he was much the same as he is today;  though back then his passions were different. Now his gears are constantly spinning about work, family, wood working projects, guns, and food. Back then he was focused on making money by any means necessary, friends, bikes, Dolphin football and me. 

Our friendship started innocently but was intense and profound. We met in newspaper class. He told me shortly after we met that we were meant to be together. I was less than convinced. But I loved him. I loved that he loved me. I loved our dependence on each other, the ease of our conversation, the comfortable safety of our time together. When I think back on it now, it really was such a beautiful and special connection we shared. But, it was not our time to be together. We had to take very separate and vastly different paths for more than a decade before it was time for that. 

In our time apart, we both had very important relationships with other people. In that time, I became a wife and a mother. And in that time he had relationships that would have lasting impacts on the person he is today. Those relationships are part of OUR story. They are part of who we are individually and who we are to each other, in our marriage. They are a time we both respect and value for each other. That time and those relationships were just as important as our relationship is now. I love that we both do our best to give them their due. 

I don't believe that either of us truly imagined that we would be married, have a son, share a life and a family all these years later. I don't believe the love that we felt years ago was an active thought in our minds during those years apart. We carried on a friendship on and off over the years. In hindsight, those moments of revisiting was likely out of some selfish need or curiosity. 

I wouldn't assume to know for sure, but I have a feeling that you could see a change in his face, in his voice, or in his demeanor when I was brought up over those years in varying situations. I wouldn't assume to know for sure, but I think the same could be seen in me when he was brought up.

We don't have a perfect marriage. We are not perfect to each other and maybe not for each other. He doesn't look at me like he did in newspaper class. He doesn't say my name with some deep rooted emotion behind it. The electricity is more like a flickering spark than a current creating a perfect storm. We are almost 38 now. We share a REAL life complete with stress and conflict and responsibilities that leave us less than we deserve as a couple.  But all these years later, our connection is intense and profound. We just get each other. We have history.